American author (1842-1914)
Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"The Moonlit Road"
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
If public opinion were determined by a throw of the dice, it would in the long run be half the time right.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
LABOR, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
In the last analysis, ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
DUTY, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
The sky is a concave mirror in which Man sees his own distorted image and seeks to propitiate it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future; Age knows her as the Dream.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Realism, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:
A thousand critics shouting: "He's unknown!"
AMBROSE BIERCE
Couplet
EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary